SPECIAL THANK YOU!
"To all of the Past Presidents:
For 10 years I have watched the roast of past presidents with much amusement but never expected to be the subject of one myself. Thank all of you for the time and effort that you put into it. It was such fun!!! And such a surprise. I think all of the members enjoyed watching my suffering. What a well kept secret. Thanks for the great memories of those years."
Velma
CORKY MATTINGLY greeted and introduced the many guests who joined us at the museum. An interclub from West Valley started us off: Don Jeremy, Bill Bennett, Ray and Elsie Stenberg were all with us. STEVE EMHOFF brought his mother, Noell Osterberg and Past President Mark Needham, who is the son of former secretary VELMA CRAWFORD. RUSS DIX brought his wife Shelley, treating her to a 14th Anniversary lunch.

DOUG COCHRAN was a stand in Sergeant who managed to fine a few, including Velma, before introducing SPENCER HATTON.

Spencer seated Velma in front of everyone and gifted her with typical secretary stuff: legal pad, white out, paper clips, post-it notes, red pen, and highlighter. He then introduced the Grand Inquisitor (JAY CARROLL) who proceeded to question the Past President’s in attendance about previous issues during Velma’s secretary days.

We were shocked to find out it was VELMA who had convinced ARCHIE SUTTON to purchase all the winter games sweatshirts so many years ago and it was VELMA who taught him how to pronounce Roganunda

We found it was VELMA who directed President BARB to do away with the head table and is the one who has been stealing the gavels (evidence was presented). Barb was also forced to reveal that the Kiwanis Charitable Trust finally made “buckets of money”, after a number of losing quarters, now that LOUISE TABAYOYAN has taken over Trust Secretary duties from VELMA.

AUDREY RICE talked about the slumber parties and pillow fights. DAN MARPLES admitted to being directed by VELMA to get rid of the Welcome Song and it was revealed it was VELMA who instigated beer drinking during the yearly audits.

Mark’s arrested development, and his current focus on amusement parks, was attributed to VELMA’s upbringing. (I wondered why she was not revealed as the one who forced Mark out of our club, some secrets have to remain).

Steve Emhoff was unveiled as her true, favorite son, while Dr. MIKE WILSON told the assembled audience that he had actually had to control VELMA’s rampant hour padding to Kiwanis International on the monthly reports.

PAT DANIELSON was forced to move to e-mail distribution of the bulletin by VELMA, who had unkind things to say about those members who didn’t have computer access. BRIAN BLOUNT tried to get VELMA to file the reports on time, but she resisted he revealed. Doug attempted to control the board meetings, but VELMA made them run long and be so unruly.

ROGER BELL had not voluntarily given VELMA all those chocolates, she had demanded them in order to do her job and keep quiet about the Larry Wilde visit.

CHRIS CHRSTMAN was questioned about the items found during a search, but had no answers.

Spencer coerced the past presidents into forgiving VELMA for her many sins during her ten years in power and President Barb presented her with an Dunbar Jewelers appreciation gift for her many, many years of faithful service.

It was a hysterical program courtesy of Doug, Specncer and Jay. No one could be more deserving of such attention. Congratulations VELMA on a job well done for ten long years!

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